Getting Back in the Mood For Sex With Kids in the House

By David Beart

Face it, since the kids have come along the spark and interest in your sex life has probably taken a nosedive. While before the two of you just couldn’t get enough of each other, now – you rarely see each other naked and have placed sex at the very bottom of a looming to-do list. This ‘no time or energy for sex’ routine can easily divide a happily married couple and even worse, make it very difficult to reconnect. Just because you are parents, doesn’t mean you aren’t entitled to wild, crazy, and romantic time together every now and again.

Typically, it is thought to be men that are often left complaining about a lack in their sex life. What few men and other people realize is that mom misses it too. Since having the baby and going through the wide array of hormonal and physical changes, getting back into the groove of a healthy and spicy sex life can be difficult. There are many mixed feelings that come with motherhood and often a woman begins to feel as though she is supposed to act more matronly than sexual. The thing is that the sex life you shared before the baby are part of your relationship and nothing says that daunting sexy lingerie or dressing up as a French Maid makes you any less of a mother. So go for it! Even if your body is not what it used to be, understand that men are much less particular than women are and will appreciate the return of their sex-kitten wife.

One of the biggest problems in your sex life is probably a lack of time and a lack of privacy. It is difficult to get in the mood when at any moment a toddler may or may not come bursting through your bedroom door asking “mommy, why are you naked?” Lock the door. Demand that you and your spouse have some alone time together. If you have to deadbolt the door – then do so, or create a private space of your own in the far away back closet of the basement where the two of you can escape for a 20 minutes anytime you wish. Just don’t tell the kids or else they will try to use it as play fort. While 20 minutes may not seem worth it, the truth is that by maintaining physical contact with one another you are continuously strengthening the relationship in ways that words and other actions cannot. 20 minutes every few days may be all you need.

Another piece of advice is to quit being held hostage by your kids. Parents today feel that they have to be ever present in their child’s life. Take a vacation together, go out on Saturday night together, and leave the kids with Grandma. Who cares is she lets them eat Cheetos together. If you wake up one Sunday morning and feel the sexual energy between the two of you, rather than ignore it and feel resentful – find a sitter and take off to a local hotel room where you can order room service and lie in bed together all day watching grown up television. You are an adult and it is your right to have some fun and excitement that does not include the children.

While both of you may be very busy wrapped up in all the responsibilities of life – be sure that you do little things to keep each other interested and feeling good about the relationship. Send illusive text messages or suggestive photographs to one another. Don’t be opposed to a little phone sex on the way to pick up the kids from school and never forget that your partner probably needs the ego stroke just as much as you do. Leave little notes to one another where only they can find them or plan on meeting for lunch a couple days a week. The key is remaining a couple and never becoming all too comfortable in the fact that the two of you are parents. Remember that before you were parents, you were a hot and feisty couple who enjoyed each other’s company. The more time and effort you put into the physical relationship with one another – the stronger the relationship will stay.

David Beart is the owner of the Professors House. Our site covers family issues such as raising children, teenagers, marriage advice, forums and relationships.

Leave a Reply